


unjust magnetism

by psychicfire



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M, Non AU, lapslock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-05
Updated: 2017-12-05
Packaged: 2019-02-10 21:50:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12920958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/psychicfire/pseuds/psychicfire
Summary: a collection of soonhoon drabbles i wrote in an attempt to write a little bit every day for nanowrimo. mostly unedited and pretty much all in lapslock





	1. studio

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just like the summary says!!!! there's really only a college au (which are all from the same au...for a longer fic i will hopefully post some time in the future???) and a ~canon compliant~ or whatever you'd like to call it au going on here. i had NO IDEA what to call the chapters so they're titled by where they take place.

late. that’s all jihoon knew it was. late, and he had been in the studio for way too long. just like the day before, and the day before that, and probably the day after. he was hunched over his keyboard, notebook in his lap, pen cap chewed to oblivion between his teeth. he wanted so desperately to come up with lyrics but his thoughts were swimming. he was losing focus.

just when he felt like throwing his notebook across the room, there was a light knock on the door. he didn’t even have time to answer before the door was opening and a familiar figure was slipping through.

great, jihoon thought. another distraction. it wasn’t that soonyoung actively did anything to divert his attention; he became quiet and patient whenever he was around a working jihoon, ever understanding. but his mere presence had the potential to send jihoon’s thoughts into overdrive.

“hey,” soonyoung said softly, approaching jihoon with his hands cupped around a styrofoam cup. “thinking of returning to planet earth any time soon?”

“potentially,” jihoon said, raising an eyebrow at the drink. “what is that?”

“tea. i got it from downstairs. figured you needed a little something.” he held it out to jihoon, who took it and couldn’t help the smile that settled on his lips.

“thanks.” he eyed soonyoung as he took a sip, noting the clean muscle shirt with poorly replicated designer brands (a style he had decided to dedicate himself to in their many travels) and freshly washed hair. “you look clean. did you come here just to check on me?”

soonyoung averted his eyes and grinned goofily. “maybe.”

jihoon groaned. “i’m not a child that needs to be taken care of, soonyoung.”

“and i’m a man of free will who can be worried about you sometimes!”

jihoon grumbled from behind his tea. “did someone put you up to this?”

“no. i came by myself. i noticed it had been, like, three days since i saw you at the dorm.”

“i’ve been back,” jihoon protested. he knew he had to shower and sleep for more than three hours or everyone around him would start to notice.

“yeah, and that’s just to stay under the radar and keep me and the hyungs off your back,” soonyoung said, pointing an accusatory finger at jihoon. jihoon flinched at how on the mark he was, causing soonyoung to smirk in satisfaction.

“well,” soonyoung declared, plopping on the couch next to the keyboard. “i’m staying here until you’re done for the night.”

“yeah, yeah. i’m about finished.”

“you better be, because if you’re not getting ready to go back within the next hour, i’m going to personally drag you out of here and handcuff you to your bed.”

jihoon grimaced. “no thanks.”

soonyoung’s mouth fell open. “i didn’t mean it like that! like, so you can sleep!” he wiggled his eyebrows. “though, if that’s what you really want…”

jihoon held his styrofoam cup out to him threateningly. “shut the hell up or i will pour this hot tea on your crotch with no remorse.”

“alright, alright!” soonyoung closed his eyes and crossed his arms. “one hour, jihoon.”

jihoon huffed and turned his attention back to the notebook in his lap. he wrote out a few lines, tried it with a few melodies now that he had the pressure of soonyoung’s presence to be productive, but nothing was satisfying him. his eyes wandered and landed on soonyoung’s figure on the couch. he mentally cursed him for being so attentive of his absence, and how annoyingly concerned he was about his wellbeing, and how annoyingly toned his exposed arms looked or annoyingly soft his lips looked when they were slightly parted... _wait, that has nothing to do with this_ , jihoon thought, pushing all his thoughts away, heart hammering in his chest at the realization of his wandering mind.

as if on cue, soonyoung opened one eye to peer at him. “what? god, i can feel your glare with my eyes closed. i could probably feel it through a wall.”

jihoon sighed. “its nothing.” he put the pathetic cap back on his pen and laid the notebook across the keys. “i can’t concentrate anymore tonight. let’s go back.”

soonyoung jumped up on his feet. “perfect!”

the walk back to the dorm was quiet. it was comfortable, especially for the hour and the throbbing headache jihoon had developed. soonyoung broke it first.

“you know,” he began, “you don’t have to work yourself to the bone. our deadline isn’t for awhile, you can take it easy for a bit.”

jihoon fiddled with the loose thread in his pocket. “i know. it’s just stressing me and i hate sitting around doing nothing when i know it’s coming soon.”

“you’ll be fine,” soonyoung reassured. “besides, you need to take some breaks between all your work so you can recharge. otherwise you’ll burn out. and we can’t have our genius producer burnt out!” soonyoung gave his shoulders a gentle, reassuring rub. “got it?”

jihoon smiled. “got it.”


	2. dorm

jihoon closed the door to his room quietly behind him, sighing deeply. he felt like he could breathe normally now, outside of his room, away from his bed, where he had just awoken moments earlier in a cold sweat, his heart racing.

nightmares. a common occurrence under stress and lack of sleep. if he didn’t get up, move around, reset his mind, they would continue to plague him through the night. but he was tired. his eyes stung and his head was throbbing. if he wasn’t scared of the images his own mind would show him, he’d welcome the sleepiness.

he made his way to the fridge in search of a bottle of water. he opened one and drank about half of its contents in one go. he stood with the door open, letting the coolness seep into his bones and focusing on the hum of the generator. it was a welcome distraction.

“jihoon?”

jihoon turned to see soonyoung at the entrance of the kitchen, eyes wide yet heavy with tiredness. he would have been more concerned with his presence and the coming consequences had he not been concerned for him given his appearance. he looked like shit.

“what are you doing up so late?” soonyoung asked.

“i could ask you the same thing.” he reached into the fridge and offered soonyoung a bottle. “water?”

“thanks.” soonyoung held his hands out for jihoon to toss it. he did, and he winced at the loud thud it made against the floor, though it earned a small laugh from soonyoung. he settled himself on a stool by their table, useless to them because of its inability to seat half of their members.

“can’t sleep. my brain won’t shut the hell up.”

“worried about the album preparations?”

soonyoung nodded.

jihoon shifted his weight and shot a knowing smile at soonyoung. “can’t take your own advice, huh?”

soonyoung let out a weak laugh. “i can’t help it. at night is when all the ugly stuff comes out. and then i’m just sitting there, thinking about everything, and i can’t calm down.”

jihoon simply nodded in understanding, too exhausted to think of something worthwhile to add. he leaned against the closed door of the fridge and stared at a spot in the ceiling, relishing in the silence.

“what about you?” soonyoung finally asked.

jihoon closed his eyes in frustration. “nightmares,” he answered. he considered elaborating, but he didn’t have the energy.

“jihoonie…” came soonyoung’s concerned voice. jihoon cracked a weak smile at the nickname.

a long silence passed between them, jihoon leaning against the fridge with his eyes closed and only the hum of the appliances in the kitchen between them. jihoon heard a creak of the stool moving. he assumed this meant soonyoung left. but in moments he felt arms wrap around his waist and a warmth surround him. his eyes shot open, finding soonyoung draped on him. in any other situation he’d be smacking him and resisting, and he didn’t know if it was due to how drained he felt or how upsetting his dreams were, but the embrace wasn’t unwelcome.

“soonyoung?” jihoon tried, unsure what brought on this sudden gentle display of affection.

“do you want to talk about it?” was soonyoung’s response, still caught up on jihoon’s nightmares. he rubbed his hand softly up and down jihoon’s back.

“no, it’s okay. i’d rather not think about it.”

“okay. if you ever want to, though, i’m here.”

“i know.” jihoon brought a hand up to the back of soonyoung’s head. “thank you.”

they stayed like that for a few moments. jihoon ruffled soonyoung’s hair softly to try to get his attention.

“hey.”

soonyoung responded by winding his arms around jihoon tighter.

“what are you doing?” jihoon finally protested.

“well, i did want to make you feel better, but i’m doing this for me, too.”

jihoon huffed. “what am i, a giant teddy bear?”

soonyoung nuzzled his face in jihoon’s neck. “maybe.”

“you’re such a kid sometimes.”

“am i?” soonyoung breathed out the words onto jihoon’s neck, causing him to go stiff. he put his hands on soonyoung’s chest reflexively to push him away, and soonyoung pulled back, giggling. their eyes met for a moment and when their intimate pose registered, soonyoung took a sudden step back and retreated his arms behind his back, averting his eyes.

jihoon cleared his throat. “i think we should both try to get some sleep.”

“yeah,” soonyoung laughed out. he turned to leave and jihoon spoke up.

“hey, soonyoung?”

“yes?” soonyoung responded, eyes glowing with expectation.

“just that...if you ever need anything, i’m here for you, too.”

soonyoung’s face melted into a genuine and sweet smile, one that tugged at jihoon’s heartstrings. “i know. thank you.”


	3. bench (college au)

the winter cold was seeping into jihoon’s bones. he sat outside of the auditorium on a bench, trying his best to retreat into his jacket and cradle the bouquet of flowers at the same time. he stared at them, worried that the cold would burn them, but he tried not to dwell on it. he wanted to give them to soonyoung happily.

as if on cue, he heard his name being called out as a figure donned in all black approached him. jihoon’s heart squeezed in his chest because while he had already seen his boyfriend in his getup on stage, it was a different story entirely seeing him up close. his hair slicked back, his eye makeup heavy and a red tint on his lips, skin tight leather pants and a strappy, form fitting jacket. it was a killer look on him, accentuating his sexy bad boy persona on stage, but at this moment, it was completely contrasting his beaming smile, rosy round cheeks and the pink tip of his nose from the cold. it made jihoon’s chest hurt so much he was pretty sure it was coming out in the form of the flowers in his arm being crushed.

soonyoung’s face lit up in shock and excitement as he stopped in front of a now standing jihoon, pointing at the flowers. he looked like a child on christmas. “are those--? did you get these for me?”

jihoon smiled involuntarily, pretty sure the warmth in his cheeks was visible. “yes, you idiot. congrats, your hard work really paid off. the whole show was amazing.”

soonyoung let out an embarrassed laugh. “thanks, but everyone else worked hard too! it wasn’t just me!”

“i know that, but everyone else isn’t my boyfriend.” the words felt foreign on his tongue still--being able to call soonyoung that. they had only been dating for about a month, despite the buildup to that moment being quite the journey. which made it difficult to express his affection in concrete ways like this. but he was trying. he handed the flowers to soonyoung. “and don’t sell yourself short. you really did put a lot of effort into this.”

“okay, you’re right.” he stared at the bouquet in his arms. “i can’t believe you got me flowers,” he said quietly.

“d-do you not like them?” jihoon asked nervously.

“what? no! i love them. i just didn’t expect it from you, is all.”

jihoon pouted. “i just wanted to do something nice for you.”

soonyoung let out another boisterous laugh. his post-performance shine was really contagious. “it is nice! i’m really happy. thank you, jihoonie.”

jihoon downcast his eyes at the nickname as his boyfriend snaked an arm around his waist. he looked up and met soonyoung’s gentle expression, and soonyoung gave him a quick peck on the lips.

“you’re so cute,” soonyoung blurted out. “you’re all bundled up, you look like a little present right now.”

“pfffft. if you say so.” jihoon would never admit how much he liked those compliments. “you...look really good,” jihoon responded, cupping soonyoung’s face with both hands. “why don’t you wear eyeliner more often?”

“i don’t know, do you want me to?”

jihoon considered for a moment. “actually, maybe not. it might not be able to handle it.”

“then maybe i should,” soonyoung said, sly smile on his lips. “watching you lose control would be funny.”

“funny is one way to put it,” jihoon responded, closing the distance between them again. they pulled apart after a few seconds, soonyoung beaming once more.

“now, stop freezing that cute little ass of yours off and come inside,” he said, giving jihoon’s butt a light smack for good measure. “i want to introduce you to a bunch of people.”

jihoon rolled his eyes at soonyoung’s crudeness, but let him drag him inside by the wrist anyway. he was overcome with the same heart squeezing feeling as before, knowing soonyoung wanted to show him off. he smiled. 


	4. soonyoung's bed (college au)

“what’s that for?” jihoon pointed to the trophy sitting atop soonyoung’s dresser.

“oh, that? it’s for a dance competition i won last week.” soonyoung tried to hide the pride in his voice; he didn’t want to seem like he was showing off to the guy who was basically just his booty call. but he couldn’t help it, especially because if god was good, his relationship would evolve into more than just sex and the post-coital cuddling he demanded in return.

it seemed to work. jihoon’s eyes glinted with curiosity and--dare he say--awe. “you dance?”

“yeah!” soonyoung beamed. “i’ve been doing it on and off as a hobby since middle school, but i’ve been pretty committed for a few years.”

“you? committed? to anything?” jihoon laughed.

“hey!” soonyoung smacked his bare shoulder. “you might be right, but you shouldn’t just say it like that!”

jihoon was focused on the trophy again. “i’d like to see you dance one day.”

“really?” soonyoung suddenly felt shy. “i mean i don’t mind showing you, but that’s like, fifth or sixth date material. you know, you come to my recital, bring me flowers, we go out to dinner afterwards. and we haven’t even been on one date!”

“then why don’t we--” jihoon stopped in the middle of his sentence, looking aghast.

soonyoung smirked. “go on a date?”

jihoon paled, like he had been caught doing something illegal. but he said casually, “yeah. let’s go on a date.” he pressed their bodies closer together. “why not? this weird cuddling thing you made me agree to isn’t exactly emotionally gratifying.”

soonyoung breathed out a laugh. “i’m not opposed. but don’t you think this is kind of backwards? we fuck a ton and then go out for a date?”

jihoon gave his best shrug for his position. “the order it happens in really isn’t a big deal.” he tucked his head under soonyoung’s chin. “mind if i nap here? i barely slept last night.”

“sure, but while we’re still locked in a tender embrace? your pacing is weird, jihoon.”

jihoon kicked him in the shin. “shut up. this was your idea in the first place.”

“fair enough.” he reached up to stroke jihoon’s hair, trying to be more comforting than tender and sweet. “take your nap, jackass.”


	5. hotel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this one is...admittedly very self indulgent. based on lilili yabbay, but more on the thought of jihoon having to come up with some inspiration for this song and writing it specifically for performance team. i love the lyrics so much i just wondered where the hell he could have gotten the idea from, and of course i thought of none other than our space boy :-)

the night was clear and the moon was bright, a few stars speckling the night sky from the light pollution of the city. jihoon leaned forward on the railing of the hotel balcony, thankful that there wasn’t a lot of urban noise and he could have a moment of peace from his groupmates. unfortunately for him, he had been stuck with the stereotypical tourist mingyu as a roommate, so even in their free moments abroad his room was bustling with life and activity and a few other eager adventurers. he was currently out getting dinner with a few others and offered to bring jihoon back food, to which he vigorously accepted.

a door behind him opened, and it dawned on him that the balcony was too long to only cover his room space. soonyoung stepped out and jumped a bit when he realized another person was present.

“oh!” he said, trying not to sound too surprised. “so the balconies are connected.”

“seems so,” jihoon answered. “makes sense since the rooms are connected too.”

“ah, you’re right.” soonyoung found his place beside jihoon and leaned on the railing as well. “needed some fresh air too?”

“i guess so.” jihoon didn’t turn to soonyoung to respond. a few minutes of silence passed comfortably, sinking into the peace of the moment. soonyoung broke it by speaking.

“what are you thinking about?”

jihoon turned to look at him now, caught off guard by the soft expression on his face and how it seemed like his attention had been on him. he blinked, unsure where to look now since he really didn’t have an answer.

“i wasn’t thinking about anything, actually,” came jihoon’s answer. “or, i was trying not to. just looking at the night sky makes me feel calm, you know?”

“yeah.”

jihoon crossed his arms on the railing and rest his head on them, turned towards soonyoung. “what about you? what were you thinking about?”

soonyoung froze, purposefully diverting his gaze. “nothing.” it didn’t sound like the same nothing jihoon had been talking about.

he narrowed his eyes. “what is it, soonyoung?”

he scratched his temple nervously. “promise you won’t laugh? or groan? or try to push me off this balcony?”

jihoon frowned. “no promises, but i’ll try my best. and i will take you seriously.”

“well, i was just thinking, since the moon is full and shining really bright, it’s reflecting on your features really...nicely...and you look like you’re glowing.”

jihoon opened his mouth to say something, but he closed it and turned his head away instead to hide his expression and reddening cheeks. “why would you say something like that…?”

“you said you wouldn’t laugh!”

“i said i’d try. and i’m not laughing, am i?”

it was quiet for a moment before soonyoung grumbled out a complaint.

“at least you could turn your face this way so i can see the pouty face i’m sure you’re making.”

jihoon did as he was asked, confirming that he was, indeed, pouting. soonyoung giggled.

“whatever, soonyoung. i was actually thinking the same thing. but i don’t know if it’s the moonlight, or the light from the city, or the light from the room.” _or just you._

soonyoung pointed a finger at jihoon. “aha! so you were thinking of something!”

jihoon raised his head and puffed out his chest. “i wasn’t! i only thought of that afterwards, when you already asked me.” he huffed, resting his chin in his hand. “aside from that...do you have any thoughts when you look at the night sky? you like space an awful lot.”

soonyoung smiled shyly. “you could tell?”

“yeah, idiot. your stage name is literally star.”

soonyoung looked affronted. “you didn’t think it’s because i’m a star?”

jihoon sighed in annoyance but broke out into a smile. “i know you’re not that shallow.”

“thank you.” soonyoung looked up at the sky. “honestly, i think a lot about what’s out there. not like i’m thinking about aliens but just what kind of sights and life there are beyond this planet. the night sky already looks so beautiful and there are so many beautiful things to see here on earth, there must be infinitely more throughout the universe.” he closed his eyes. “but really, i just love looking at the stars in the sky. they’re shining so bright but they’re just little specks. they’re like bursts of warmth.”

jihoon blinked. “wow. that was deep, coming from you.”

soonyoung snapped his head towards jihoon. “hey! i can be deep when i want to be!”

“yeah, but you’re always so busy goofing around it’s hard to remember.”

soonyoung scoffed, turning his head away and pointing his nose up in protest. “so much for opening up to you.”

“come on, soonyoung. i didn’t mean it like that.” jihoon inched closer to rub his back reassuringly, but at the last moment decided not to. he just settled right next to soonyoung and looked up at the sky again. “i agree with you, though. space can be a little scary, but mostly it’s beautiful.”

“right?” there were a few beats of silence before soonyoung spoke again. “it's almost a full moon.”

“ah.” jihoon brought his attention to its bright light. “it looks really big.”

“you know,” soonyoung continued, unbothered by jihoon’s comment, “if we followed a lunar calendar, we could be entering a 13th month right now.”

“what?” jihoon blinked. “soonyoung, where the hell do you get this from?”

“i told you, i like space! jeez, do you take me for a complete idiot? i like to learn things on my own sometimes!”

“okay, fair enough. sorry.” jihoon drummed his fingers against his cheek. “a 13th month, huh.”

“isn’t it weird to think about? i wonder what that 13th month would be like. what would be waiting for us there. it’s kind of magical, you know? even if it makes perfect sense.”

jihoon smiled involuntarily. “maybe you should have been an astronaut instead of an idol.”

“that was actually my plan, when i was five years old,” soonyoung said. “but that’s actually harder to accomplish than being an idol, so i guess i took the easy way out.” a silence fell over them, jihoon not paying attention because he was looking up at the sky. when soonyoung spoke again, his voice was much gentler. “besides, there are some things on earth that would be too sad to live without.”

jihoon turned to him to find the same soft smile and gaze from earlier on his face. he jumped in surprise and tried to control his face from contorting into embarrassment and shame. “what!”

“nothing,” soonyoung said, turning his face away, smile unchanging.

jihoon huffed. it was obvious it wasn’t nothing. and maybe he should be a little less cowardly and say it himself, but he at least had the decency of not being obvious. or so he thought.

“it isn’t nothing, soonyoung. what is it.”

“ah, just--well--” soonyoung’s mouth hung open in thought, but he closed it in defeat. he instead turned his body completely towards jihoon, who was now facing him as well. they were much closer, and with the way the light from the moon shone on soonyoung, reflected off of his single dangling earring and in the irises of his eyes, bringing out all the stars jihoon always saw in them, and the soft curve of his lips into a smile, he looked ethereal. jihoon’s chest constricted, and at times like this it was impossible to push away his feelings. they were forcing their chance to breathe and stealing the air from jihoon’s lungs. soonyoung brought his hand to jihoon’s arm, and grazed his fingers upwards, ghosting on jihoon’s sleeve and leaving goosebumps on his skin. soonyoung opened his mouth to speak, but the door was thrown open, causing them both to jump.

“hyung!” mingyu hollered, holding up a plastic bag. “i got you the--oh. am i interrupting something?”

“no, no!” jihoon said with a ferocious head shake. “we’re just talking.”

“okay,” mingyu said, lowering the bag. “it’s gonna get cold soon, fair warning.”

jihoon smiled. ‘thanks.” at the same moment, soonyoung’s door opened, with an exasperated chan peeking out. “soonyoung hyung, could you _please_ pick up your things after you shower. i can barely walk around here.”

jihoon stifled a giggle at soonyoung’s frustrated huff. “jeez, okay! would it kill you to ask a little nicer?”

chan glared daggers at soonyoung before sliding the door closed again. soonyoung shook his head in disapproval. “the disrespect is unbelievable.” he looked down at jihoon with sympathetic eyes. “ah...enjoy your dinner?”

jihoon nodded. “go be a good role model and leader for the maknae, please.” he gave soonyoung a pat on the chest as he rolled his eyes to go back to the room he left a mess.

jihoon laid in bed that night, wide awake. mingyu tossed and turned recklessly in bed as usual. he wondered if soonyoung was awake on the opposite side like him or sound asleep. he wondered if on trips like this, they could ever occupy the same bed. shamelessly.

_the 13th month._ _it was made for us. it’s where we reside._ jihoon sunk into the covers, trying to ignore the chill.

_let’s meet outside of it one day. let’s shatter this impossibility, soonyoung._


	6. apartment (college au)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> REV UP THAT ANGST!!!!

jihoon opened his eyes, bleary, adjusting to the unfamiliar light. as he came to, he realized he woke up in a room that wasn’t his--but was still familiar. he panicked, immediately looking down to check if he was naked. he wasn’t. he breathed a sigh of relief.

_but that means--_

he turned around in the bed, expecting a round face and dark, messy hair to greet him. but it was empty aside from himself, which he realized made sense based on how cold he was for being dressed. he shrunk deeper into the covers, trying to understand how he got there and where the hell soonyoung was. did he have somewhere to be? was he just crashing at his place like a parasite?

he felt a sharp pain in his head and groaned. _of course, i could only end up here through bad drunken decisions_. he decided to get up and not further prolong his pain, get himself in shape and go home.

he exited the room and stopped dead in his tracks when he saw soonyoung sprawled on the couch, wrapped in the familiar iron man blanket, mouth hanging open in deep sleep. jihoon approached him cautiously, not wanting to wake him. he noticed the cup of coffee on the coffee table in front of him, long gone cold.

jihoon crouched down in front of soonyoung’s face. he let out a dry laugh. “idiot, the one time you’re considerate i don’t want you to be.” he put his hand on the couch right below soonyoung’s chin, wanting to cup his face, run his fingers along the curves but knowing that was a bad idea. he frowned. “why do you put up with me, kwon soonyoung?”

at that exact moment, soonyoung let out an unflattering and loud “ah?” causing jihoon to lose his footing and stumble into a cross-legged position on the floor. he stared wide-eyed at soonyoung as he stirred, eyes opening and landing right on jihoon.

“you woke up before me,” soonyoung said, voice soft and heavy with sleep.

“yeah, but only by a little bit.”

“ah.” soonyoung reached out a hand to touch jihoon, but could only manage to poke his cheek. “are you feeling better?”

jihoon shoved his hands in his sweatshirt pocket. “maybe? i don’t know what i was up to last night. did i disturb you too much?”

“no,” soonyoung said easily. “but you seemed really upset, like you were going to cry. you weren’t talking about anything, though, so i just left you alone.”

jihoon bit his lip. he remembered. he was upset because of a shitty hookup, and wished it was soonyoung. then he found himself upset for thinking that. then he was at soonyoung’s doorstep, and the rest was a blur. tragic, really.

jihoon rubbed his head. “god, i’m sorry. i’m sure taking care of a drunk asshole was not in your thursday night plans.”

“well, thankfully, i had no plans!” soonyoung smiled, all teeth. “did you see the painkillers i put on the nightstand? i figured you’d wake up with a headache, you irresponsible drinker.”

“what? no, i didn’t. thank you…” jihoon’s voice trailed off, saddened by soonyoung’s care. he really felt like he didn’t deserve his kindness. he felt the stabbing pain in his head once more. “i definitely need it. do you still, uh…” jihoon’s voice wavered. “have my toothbrush?”

“yeah, it’s on my sink.” soonyoung answered easily, now staring at his phone. “the red one, right?”

“yeah.” jihoon made his way into the bathroom and saw the familiar toothbrush sitting among several others. he blinked, wondering where they all came from, then pushed the thought out of his mind.

he emerged after downing the painkillers with half a glass of water (which soonyoung had also courteously left on the nightstand, much to jihoon’s frustration). he stared at the coffee on the table for a moment before asking, “do you want me to reheat that?”

soonyoung looked up from where he was preoccupied on his phone and flashed another smile. _i wish he’d cut that out._ “that would be wonderful,” soonyoung said. “add some milk and sugar to it? there’s some for you in the pot still.”

jihoon nodded with a smile, making his way to soonyoung’s kitchen. he wordlessly prepared their coffees, soonyoung’s preference being muscle memory for him, he bitterly noticed.

soonyoung broke the silence loudly. “oh, i remember one thing you said last night! i think it was probably the only thing i heard you say.”

jihoon sighed. “well, i don’t really think i want to, but let’s hear it.”

“mm...if i remember correctly...it was something about, ‘why do i always feel so far away from you?’ no idea what you were talking about, though. or who.”

jihoon’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion, not understanding the sentiment behind his own words. he stared at soonyoung, trying to make sense of it, and when he noted the distance between him and soonyoung sitting on his couch in the living room, he dropped his head in shame. his chest tightened and he bit his lip, trying to contain the emotions from last night that came rushing into him again.

“also, when i opened the door for you, the first thing you did was hug me. i immediately knew something was wrong, i mean, a hug unprompted from lee jihoon, am i right? but you didn’t say that then, that was like, when you were already curled up in a little ball in bed.”

soonyoung was a constant. he always came back to him, after helplessly resisting. but even then, when he faced him again, he couldn’t find it in him to pull out his true feelings. soonyoung was always within reach, but he never had the strength to grab him, pull him closer, close the space between them that was filled with all of jihoon’s unsaid feelings and sentiments. but he could never build up the courage, the words always getting stuck in his throat and falling back down.

today wasn’t the day.

he brought over their newly heated coffees and placed one in front of soonyoung, who was now sitting up on the couch. jihoon chose to wait to take a sip, cupping his hands around the mug for extra warmth while soonyoung took a gulp so concerningly large that jihoon wondered how it didn’t burn him.

“ahh. hot, soft, sweet, and just a little bitter. just like the person who made it.” jihoon looked up to see soonyoung staring at him expectantly, and then wink. jihoon sputtered out a laugh.

“you’re such a goofball.” jihoon stirred the coffee thoughtlessly. “you know, soonyoung, thanks. for last night, and just for everything.”

“huh?” soonyoung blinked. “what do you mean?”

“it’s just like, i never realize how much you’re paying attention until i actually need help. then you go out of your way to make sure everything is perfect. i just don’t let myself be helped too much, but even then, you always know just what to say to make me laugh or feel better or forget about things. and i don’t think i thank you enough for that. so thank you.”

soonyoung looked down into his mug, bashful smile on his face and his ears as red as his cushions. it was one of jihoon’s favorite things about soonyoung.

“well, you know,” soonyoung began. “anything for you.”

jihoon stared at the coffee in his mug that was still swirling, despite the spoon resting against its brim.

_likewise._


End file.
